Journey of Self Worth


So tired of it. I am so sick and tired of being a drone. I am an organic sentient with dreams, aspirations, and goals. I must have Purpose. I am no machine or program cemented to repetition. I have free will, but what is its value on this world? I hate this pointless and mundane regurgitation of routine I seem incapable of escaping. Life is supposed to be enjoyed, not a continuous string of disappointments.

“Look on the bright side!” “There is a silver lining!” “Look at your glass half full, not half empty.” Bah! I know I should not complain because it could be far worse. But I fail to see any point in it all. Why is it so ridiculous being alive? What benefit do I have in continuing to persevere? When does this roller-coaster of failures, depression, and despair end?

Lost in my mind of self pity, I hear a tender yet powerful voice. It is a woman’s voice, sweet and splendid. Reassuring and strong. I feel the warmth of compassion that this woman radiates. Her smile slaps me down and then brings me back off the cold and relentless ground which is astonishment.
She is not perfect. She is a woman that has touched me. At times her logic boggles, disturbs, or frustrates but it is always welcomed for healthy communication. She loves me, is all the rationale I need, for I have fallen for her just as well. My desire and heart is returned in full, if not three fold. My zeal for ‘what-if’ has been renewed. This painful journey may be worth it, as long as she is a part of the discoveries life holds for us.

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